I... itch. all the time. Deep beneath my skin, where the bone sits, enshrined in flesh, I feel it. Something, not moving, but that wants to move. Wants to be free. It. itches.   ...and I don’t think I want it. I don’t know what to do. You can’t help me. I don’t think so, at least. But whatever it is that calls to me, that wants me for its own... it hates you. It hates what you are and what you do. And if it hates you, then maybe you can help me. If I wanted to be helped. I don’t know if I do.  ....You must understand, it sings so sweetly, and I need it, but I am afraid. It isn’t right and I need help. I need it to be seen. To be seen in the cold light of knowledge is anathema to the things that crawl and slither and swarm in the corners and the cracks. In the pitted holes of the hive.

19/08/2025 - 23:41 - my bed

i dont know if many, or any, of you are formally aware, but i do plan to start testosterone once im done highschool. im not really thrilled to be alive, at the moment. is that a normal thing to say? i cant tell, at the moment.

00:05 - whats wrong with you man? looking through old notes app insights

March 3, 2025. at 01:57am :

existence is a misery for which there is no cure

18/08/2025 - 15:42 - my bedroom desk. different, but still, undoubtedly, a desk

among all my personal faults and failings i think the biggest may have been when i somehow wound myself into a situation where my two options for comforting and adored media are between A. emotional devastation, no closure, and some dubious cgi for a production of this decade; or: B. emotional devastation, no closure, and very personally specific and paranoia inducing horror. both feature 40 minute episodes! life is a gift come in the shape of strange and wooden horse.

(re)Watching Good Omens at the dusky forest edge

07/23/2025 - 22:20 - Again at my desk. How many places do you think I bring my laptop?

(this photo, and the rewatch, actually took place at 20:54 July 18 2025. i spent todays evening playing TimeGuesser with Torin and embarassing myself)

07/07/2025 - 22:42 - My dorm's desk, Ville de Quebec

Hey neighbours. We're going to listen to Modest Mouse, okay?

informations other

hello my name is cecil and i love honeydew and eating sweet things and i like seals and im typing all the syupid first things that come to mind so i can test this text

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